Hello again everyone. I hope that you are keeping safe and well during lockdown 3.0. I’ve once again been spurred into writing as I have just completed a Mental Health First Aider course for work and one of the main elements of this was all about LISTENING. 

Now, who needs an explanation of what that means, right? Wrong. The art of listening is something that very few people are actually able to do, let alone do well. When was the last time you had a conversation with someone and you felt that the other person was really listening to what you were saying? How many times did they interject and make the topic about themselves? This doesn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t taking on board what you are saying and often they will be trying to come across as relatable through shared similar experience. It’s not always a bad thing, but it is something that I think we should all think about.

Part 1 – Are You Listening?

It’s important to be a good listener and I think that I decided to write this because of the current state of the world. We are all physically disconnected from loved ones and we are heavily relying on technology to keep somewhat connected to those we care about. Without that face to face contact, the ability to read body language and to see faces (unless we are video calling), having meaningful conversations can be a lot more of a challenge. We all hide behind the phrases like, ‘yeah, I’m ok’, and ‘doing the best I can given the circumstances’ or my personal favourite ‘living the dream’ and we don’t always open up and say how we are really feeling. I’m not saying we need to have a heartfelt conversation ALL of the time but I would encourage anyone reading this to be honest about how they’re feeling with those they feel comfortable sharing with. Equally, I would suggest that when asking someone how they are, maybe try more than once and with genuine intent (if you are concerned). It is well worth it to try and get people to open up.

Now, in regards to what you do next, this is key. If and when someone does speak to you, about anything that is going on in their lives, please just LISTEN. Don’t judge, don’t interrupt, don’t take the conversation away from that person. Just open your ears and really hear what they are saying. Feeling heard is SO important and can make a hugely positive difference to someone. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? But I can guarantee if you really pay attention to the conversations you’re having, you might find you’re not always being the best listener. I certainly know I am guilty of it.

Part 2 – Are You Being Heard?

So we have had the ramble about listening, but now it’s time to think of that in reverse. Are you being heard? When you are talking to people, about yourself, your life, your mental health, anything, is the other person hearing you? One conversation with someone who REALLY listens can be more powerful than many conversations with people who don’t. I’ve found myself in situations recently where I don’t feel like I’m being heard. I know I am able to articulate myself and get a point across, but it can be very upsetting when you don’t feel like you’re being understood. For me it has made me ask the question, am I talking to the right person? Do they really get me? And when we start doing this, it can impact on how valued or valuable we feel, right? It creates disconnect, can increase anxieties and ultimately can make you feel worse than when you started. Now I’m not saying you should have an argument every time you don’t feel like someone is doing a good job of listening, but it is something to keep an eye on. Now more than ever, it is so important to have people around us, our circle if you will, made up of good eggs. Relationships in whatever form come and go. They don’t always last forever, even if we want them to. And that is ok. It is also ok to put a bit of healthy distance between ourselves and those in our lives that aren’t positively contributing to our wellbeing. After all, we only get so many trips round the sun and we should make sure they’re as painless as possible. 

Anyway, I hope there’s enough food for thought in there, I hope you’re listening AND being heard. I’ll be back soon.

Ona xo