Life’s hard, except when it’s soft.

David Holden – beloved late forever friend.

Hello old and new friends. It’s been a while hasn’t it. I did actually start writing a post called ‘Happiness’ back in March but I came to the realisation that I was really struggling to get it finished because I’m not actually that ‘happy’ and I’m also not really thriving. Really hard for me to pen my thoughts when I’m not feeling it or invested. Now, don’t get me wrong this isn’t going to be a post about how shit my life has been for the past year, nor a cry for help or even a pity party for one, although I will give you the highlights so you can understand a bit better as to why writing about happiness wasn’t coming easy to me at this juncture in my life.

In some of the previous posts we have covered some of the cards I’ve been dealt but in short, the last 12 months have given me a broken home, 3 suicides, my best friend lost her second son, a terrible relationship, my uncle died, my dog might have cancer, my brothers heart is out of whack all on top of a global pandemic. But other than that, works is going GREAT thanks! Don’t get me wrong, I am not falling apart, I keep going and I accept that sometimes life is just cruel. There’s no other way to describe it and its not to diminish the fact that it is also beautiful, but I have to say I am sick and tired of learning lessons through tragedy and being praised for my resilience. People say, ‘Ona, you’re so confident, you’re so strong.’ I love that about me, I love that I can ‘cope’ and also help others to do the same thing but just like anyone else, these shoulders can only carry so much. Perhaps more than others, but there’s still a limit. It’s important when you feel like you are getting to that point that you talk about it, don’t bite off more than you can chew in situations where you have a choice and save some of that energy that you hand out to others for yourself. Self-love and investing energy into yourself is SO important.

One of my breakups when I was in my mid 20’s taught me to not invest 100% of my love into another person. If you’re at 100%, what do you have left for yourself? Remember that when you’re giving out your good vibes and energy to others. Ask yourself, are they giving me anything back and are you giving anything to yourself? I wish someone had told me this when I was in that place (or if they did I really fucking wish I had listened!).

I was out walking the other day and it hit me that the reason I couldn’t write anything worth sharing was because I was writing about the wrong subject. So we welcome my ramblings about survival instead. It’s been 18 months of imprisonment and we have seen the influencers forcing their lifestyles down our necks, more banana bread than should be legal, people’s weight loss journeys, their new hobbies etc and whilst I am SO glad for them that they are making lemonade from their lemons, sometimes you just end up with lemon juice. It’s sour, only good on pancakes and the absolute last thing you want to get in an open wound. And for some of us, we are all just a bit wounded, aren’t we?

One of the tragic deaths was my mum’s best mate. He was a magic human being and when I was about 14 he sent me a postcard with a quote on the front (cos we were cute like that and sent each other post) which read ‘Life is hard, except when it’s soft.’ 14 year old Ona thought what the fuck is this guy on about and why has he sent it to me. But some 16 years later, here I am telling you all about that postcard that I once received. The sentiment could not be more true and more relatable to me the older I get and the more life I live. Life really is hard, except when it’s not. The difference I suppose is the way in which we react to what we are dealt and what we have to deal with. My advice for the times when we get those lemons is to just accept the fact that they are lemons. We are surviving and doing our best and that doesn’t always have to look like lemonade. Everything you are doing to just get through the day is enough. You’re doing a great job and better days are on the horizon. I know that they are for me and when they arrive, that post about happiness will be finished and I’ll get that out there for you to read. In the meantime, if you’re anything like me or feeling anything like I do, just keep going. Surviving is sometimes all we can do. There are more days ahead when we can thrive but for now, survival is enough.

Ona xo