Reflection is one of the most underused yet powerful tools for success.

Richard Carlson

Hello again, old friends and new. Most of these posts start saying, ‘it’s been a while hasn’t it’. It feels like this year has just slipped away, another year older, another trip round the sun and all at an accelerated pace (or so it seems). I’ve been thinking for some time about what my next ramblings would entail and as we edge ever closer to the years end, reflection feels fitting.

I don’t know about you, but at the end of anything, a year, a relationship, a job, I always look back and reflect on all the experiences, lessons, successes, and mistakes made. Looking back in order to put a better foot forward as I like to think of it. And with all reflections, including the one in the mirror, we all would like to be happy with what we see staring back.

In November, I was away in Scotland, having a very difficult conversation with someone who has absolutely zero ability to self-reflect. As someone who actively does this (almost on the daily) talking to people who don’t have the ability to take accountability and put their hands up is HARD. I’ll also refer here to my post about ‘Listening’, remember that one? It is so hard to feel heard when communication doesn’t involve comprehension. Read that again. The saying goes ‘communication is key’ but that, I can assure you, is false. I’ve had conversations until I’m blue in the face and still ended up no further ahead than when I started because the other party didn’t comprehend or understand what I was saying. 

Reflection, introspection, being critical of ourselves isn’t easy and we also shouldn’t do this to mentally smack ourselves for things we could have done better. We are humans. We fuck up. That is one of life’s true constants – we will never always get things right. That’s how we learn and that’s how we grow. That said, it is important to be positively critical, learn the lessons and take real accountability for our behaviour and our actions. After all, we can only control that and when we are comfortable with how we have dealt with situations, when our head hits the pillow we sleep better at the end of the day.

Something else that I have learned this year is just that – taking accountability for myself and not making myself responsible for others. As a ‘feeling’ person (I’m very empathetic) I often find myself making excuses for other people and how they behave and react. I think subconsciously I’ve always done it. I learned young to have a broad perspective, put myself in other people’s shoes and be understanding. Now, I love that I can do that, and it helps in many situations. However, it can become problematic when you are making excuses for someone’s shitty behaviour because they are having a rough day or have a lot on their plate. At the end of the day, that isn’t your fault, it isn’t your problem, and you shouldn’t be treated with any level of disrespect because someone else isn’t in control of their actions and behaviour. 2021 has seen me drawing much firmer boundaries, standing up for myself and not letting myself get caught in anyone else’s crossfires. If this sounds like something that you do too, I encourage you to stop and think – do I deserve this? And if the answer is no, you DO NOT have to take it. You don’t need to duel at dawn, but you can (at any time) remove yourself from situations in which you don’t feel valued, heard, or respected. I’ve been reflecting and reacting, and I have to say that I already feel infinitely better for it and have more time to devote to the things and the people in my life that make my heart happy.

As I sit here finishing this post on New Years Eve, I’m getting lost in all the memories made along the way of this absolute whirlwind of a year that 2021 has been. Usually on the 31^stDecember I send out a message to all my loved ones wishing them all health and happiness for the year ahead, but this year I think that I’m just going to acknowledge the strength it has taken at times to get through 2021 (and 2020 for that matter too).

When the world feels like it is all a bit much, what I like to do is come back to myself, gain some perspective and concentrate on the things that I can control and change and improve. And with everything, that starts with yourself. 

With the last 2 years being an absolute shit show, I don’t intend on setting myself any outlandish goals (although I applaud you if you do) but instead, to just keep making small positive steps and small gestures of kindness to make sure that I’m helping to make this very challenging thing called life a bit better for myself and for all those around me.

I hope that you have found joy in 2021 and I hope there’s much more of it for you in 2022 and well done for making it to the finish line! Thank you for taking the time to read my posts, I hope you’ve found something you like in them and I’ll be back in the new year.

Ona xo