Hello (again, to those who read my first post). To those that have read my strap line, you’ll know that this is a place where I am going to go over things that we already know (or at least should) but need to hear more often. One of the reasons why I was so apprehensive about writing a blog in the first place was because I kept having this resounding thought of, ‘yeah but Ona people already know that so why the fuck would they care what you have to say about it?’. This thought alone kept me from writing anything publishable for years. It was only after deliberating with many friends (yes I am claiming to have many) that I came to the conclusion that the shit I talk about with my pals and the things that I think are not talked about and shared widely enough.

I hope you’ve got some snacks at the ready because when I get started on this subject, I might not stop. The irony here I suppose is that this is an online platform, it’s linked to my Instagram and if you look at it you will see I am not shy of a selfie or two (hundred) BUT I really feel that social media has such a negative impact on our self worth and our self esteem. How we feel about ourselves, in my opinion, is fundamental to our success and happiness in life. If you feel shit about yourself, you are likely to settle for things you don’t deserve, not go after your goals and generally just not live your best life. When you like yourself (and we all absolutely should like ourselves at a bare MINIMUM) you are more likely to do better – at work, at home, in relationships, romantic or otherwise, pick up a new hobby and essentially be the better version of you.

A bit of background about me, nothing out of the ordinary and I’m sure that my experiences are very similar to many others but when I was a teenager I hated myself. I thought I was shit and fat and ugly. The difference between me as a teenager 15 years ago (fuck) and youngsters nowadays is that I didn’t have any social media until I was at least 15 and at that age, it was Myspace (anyone remember that?) We didn’t idolise celebrity like we do now, we didn’t buy their makeup brands or follow their every move on ‘the gram’, we were far too concerned with our flared jeans and who was in our top 5. Our world was smaller. If we acted like a twat (which I did a lot) then the only people who would find out about it were people we went to school with, or if you were really unlucky, people who went to a school close by. Our every move wasn’t being documented on someone’s story, We didn’t contour our faces (and I still don’t know how people even do that, I think it is sorcery) and we weren’t constantly trying to impress a bunch of online followers that we didn’t know. In fact, at almost 30, I actually know everyone I follow and who follows me on Instagram (apart from 1 or 2 fit blokes who I like to drool over a bit).

I see teenagers posting pictures, getting around 400 likes on each and it scares me. It scares me because there is no way in hell that any teenager actually knows 400 people. It scares me because the comments that people post aren’t always nice. It scares me because these kids aren’t old enough to fully understand the consequences of putting images of themselves out there just to get likes. And why do we really do it? The thrill we get from the validation? To show off to others? Because if you think about it, who actually gives a fuck what you had for dinner. Our socials are and should be for whatever we want to use them for, but I think we need to have a little more thought about what and why we are posting and also start to appreciate the fact that there is so much beauty in doing things in private, for ourselves and no one else.

I am so thankful that I was granted the freedom from all of that shit when I was growing up and more importantly making mistakes and finding myself.

Now a little bit of story time…A couple of years ago, I met a girl when I started horse riding again. She worked at the yard I was riding at and unlike most ‘horsey’ girls, she was sweet and not bitchy, a little timid and very pretty although she had no concept of that herself. A few weeks of small talk go by and we then get to some real conversation, other than just the pleasantries. She asked me if I had lip fillers (bear with me there is a moral to this story) and I chuckled and said, ‘No, they’re real, why do you ask?’ or something along the lines of that. She said that she really wanted to get hers done…and this obviously unleashed something in me. When I asked her why she wanted to get them done, she couldn’t give me much of an answer other than the fact that she didn’t like the way that hers looked. I asked her, ‘Do you want to look like everyone else on social media? Do you think that boys will fancy you more?’ (or something to that effect). Now I wasn’t saying this to be flippant or unkind, I was merely trying to get her to think why she didn’t think she was good enough the way she was. The answer is quite simple, we are almost conditioned to not like ourselves and we are constantly fed a false and completely unattainable body image through social media. I am nearly 30, I am a bit chubby, I have hair in places I wish I didn’t, gravity has already started to have it’s way with my tits (and I don’t even have kids) to name but a few things that could be deemed ‘wrong’ with me. But do you know what? I am actually just fine the way I am. I’m just as nice and just as lovable and just as worthy of all good things in life despite the fact I don’t look like Kylie Jenner, Kim Kardashian or any other celebrity who has paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to completely change their identity. They are free to do that and free of my judgement, as I couldn’t give a flying fuck about any of them, but I do have a real issue with the fact that young women and men and even us older folk feel like we are pieces of shit because we look different to these incessant images that we see all over our socials, in magazines (if anyone even reads those anymore) and on the TV. So my message to you is (as we all do) stop wasting your precious time comparing yourself to other people. If you follow people on social media and they make you feel shit about yourself, stop following them. Love yourself because I can guarantee that you really are perfect just the way you are.

To end this rant before I go on until the end of time or the return of the dinosaurs (it is 2020, it could happen) after that conversation with my new found and still standing friend, I asked her to think of 5 things that she could list off that she liked about herself. I challenge you to do the same and my next ramble will be all about that!

Ona xo