And here I am again! It seems that once I start writing I just can’t stop. If you read my last blog post, you would have seen at the end I asked my mate to think of 5 things that she liked about herself, and that’s going to be the topic of this post.

Around the same time that I became friends with that girl, I was also (almost) accidentally conducting a social experiment in which I was asking as many people as possible if they could tell me 5 things that they liked about themselves off the cuff. I was asking friends, colleagues, random people I met on trains, people I’d get talking to in shops etc. (in fact looking back I think a lot of people probably thought I was mental) and the conclusion was not surprising, but incredibly depressing. Out of about 50+ people I asked, only about 2 of them were able to actually do it.

The depressing part is that in the same conversation I asked them if they could tell me 5 things they didn’t like about themselves and essentially all of them could do it with ease. EASE. One conversation I had, the person asked me if I could do it and so I did (as I can list 5 things I like about myself) and this person almost mocked me as if to say, ‘If you do say so yourself!’. Now don’t get me wrong, they weren’t being intentionally mean and I certainly didn’t take any offence but I did challenge them and said, ‘Since when did it become such a repulsive attribute that I am able to say some nice stuff about myself?’ I know that there is a line between confidence and arrogance and anyone who really knows me would say that I am not an arrogant person, but why is it so abnormal to give self praise? I also said, ‘It’s a little sad that if I had listed 5 things that I don’t like about myself you would probably have joined in and that conversation would have been normal, don’t you think?’. This brief exchange alone created a really good conversation and got everyone thinking a little more about why we are so quick to self criticise rather than self praise.

Everyone that I spoke to, I asked them to go away and to really think about finding those 5 good things. Then, after working out what they are, reminding themselves of them regularly. I cannot stress enough how important it is that we speak to ourselves nicely. I read that sentence back and I feel like a teacher saying it but I stick to the sentiment. I started telling myself at least 1 nice thing a day when I was getting up towards 20 and over the last decade I can safely say that it is tried and tested and has worked wonders for my confidence and for my self esteem. I’m sure you have heard all of this before, or at least I hope you have, but I encourage you to really think twice about the stuff that you say to yourself. There is enough negativity in the world and other people can also be shitty so why OH WHY would we want to add to that by being unkind to ourselves in our own minds?

Instead of saying, ‘I don’t like this’ or ‘I don’t like that’, think of something kind you can say to yourself instead. Rather than focussing on the things that you think are negative, try and spend that time focussing on positive things. This small change, over time, will start to adjust the way that you think about yourself and ultimately contribute to better self esteem.

I fully appreciate that all of this is easier said than done and we all have bad days – I am a full advocate of feeling a wide spectrum of emotions (I will be sure to do a post about emotional intelligence at some point) so don’t mistake what I am saying as either easy or that I think that people should be happy all of the time (as it is impossible). This is just one simple thing that can help give you a better outlook and a better foundation.

Finally, to round this one off, it says at the top, ‘say nice things, to yourself and everyone else’. In the same way it is important to say nice things to ourselves, complementing others (especially strangers, it is one of my favourite things to do) really helps to spread more positive energy and you just might make someone’s week. After all, we never know what battles others are facing, just as they don’t know ours. So as well as saying nice things to yourself this week (and all other weeks thereafter) give a compliment to someone out of the blue, a friend, a colleague, your partner or even a stranger and see how it makes you (and them) feel – I think you will be pleasantly surprised!

I’d love to hear from you – leave a comment or get in touch!

Ona xo